Exposing Holes in Pursuit of Wholeness: Part 3 (Intimacy)

This is week three in a five-week application of the first chapter of More Than Forgiveness by Steve DeNeff.

We are on a five-week journey discovering what keeps us from that mature, complete, whole faith Paul talks about in the New Testament. This is not a five step process to holiness. Holiness is not a conscious decision, but rather a subconscious transformation. This is a five-week evaluation of our hearts and actions, exposing how we fill basic human needs through the Fall rather than through holiness.

There are five needs laid out by pastor and author Steve DeNeff in his book More Than Forgiveness. Each week we address one need and throughout the week, take note of how we fill that need; either through perverse and foolish ways (the Fall) or through holiness. We have already looked at significance and security. We will finish with hope and innocence.

This week we focus on intimacy. If the first thought through your mind is sex, write that down as your first fill through the Fall. Let me explain:

Every human being wants to be accepted. Yes, as simply as invited into the group and on the guest list, but also more than that. Every human being wants to come out from hiding and show himself completely to another. He wants to give himself away and matter to someone. He wants to be able to let down all guards and stand naked (figuratively speaking) before another, completely unashamed. He wants to be loved, accepted and invited, despite his mess.

We think of "being in love" to fill this desire, but as DeNeff suggests, "the modern person craves intimacy more than love." Romance is cute, but intimacy is real. It does not abandon despite a mess. It is an unbreachable safe; an unrejectable pursuit. It is complete trust and acceptance. Romance produces sex, but in the religion of intimacy, "sex is only a sacrament". It is this level of intimacy that we are all seeking.

Unfortunately, we first search for it among each other, and as we fail over and over to find it in human form, we give up on the search and settle for pleasures disguised as such. We dismiss the religion and settle for the sacrament. It's like drinking the blood without the confession; eating the bread without the forgiveness.

But you see, love - not the romantic love, but the intimate love described above - is the foundation of this whole Christianity thing. There is a direct correlation between our love for God and our love for others. The Lord provides a more complete intimacy than anyone else we will pursue. And until we fill that intimacy in solitude with him, we will never wholly experience it with others.

Have you experienced that intimacy with Christ? If you're not sure, how you love others and how you search for intimacy will reflect your relationship with Jesus. To evaluate, ask yourself these questions this week:

-When and in what ways did you mistake pleasure for intimacy?
-When, where, or with whom did you seek intimacy and get rejected? (The search for intimacy can be a delicate situation. How we respond to it and where we are searching for it is vital.)
-Who did you offer intimacy to and how did you do it? Did you honor it or shatter it with betrayal?
-Who did you reject because of their mess? Who rejected you because of your mess? If you can't accept someone else despite their baggage, it's likely you don't believe God will accept you with all of your baggage.
-To whom do you matter? Who matters to you?
-Who do you have to hide things from and who can you stand before shameless?
-What do you hide? It's likely you are hiding those same things from God.
-What avenues or tactics are you using to reveal yourself? (Even the most introverted are trying to open up and show themselves. Subtly they let it slip, testing the waters to see who will latch on and accept them and provide that intimacy.)
-Do you maliciously use another's confidence, trust or intimacy with you? Do you offer a piece of yourself in exchange for their whole heart?
-What artificial ways do you pursue intimacy with God rather than through love? Legalism? Rituals? Sacraments? Radical reform? Holier than thou?

I understand that this may rock the foundation of some of your relationships. Don't let that hinder an honest self-assessment. Turn to Jesus. He will provide intimacy through the brokenness and will lead you to healing; to wholeness.